Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Christmas Story

Once upon a time
not long ago
I lived for others
whom I did not know

One Day
during Christmas Time
I decided to give of myself
not knowing this would be the last time

I marketed both far and wide
to try
to make Christmas
in a child's life

Most were honest
yet it was unfair
how much I did
It felt like no one cared

Till it was
it came time
to hand gifts out
line by line

I crossed them off
and boxed them up
shipped most
delivered some

Where this story goes array
is when I contacted local families
to say when I would be by

There was a chance
to pass
if life had changed

But there I was
a small bag in hand
with gifts for 2 small girls
I do not recall their names

Yet I do recall
driving up to a newly built home
with nice new toys left in the snow

A flat screen T.V box
propped up by the garage
and gift boxes
spilling out of the trash can

Yet they signed up
for Christmas gifts for their children

I remember walking slowly to the door
shaking my head
Feeling my heart sink
further than ever before

That day I was  taken advantage of
and it burned
and then it scarred

Even though a few years past
I feel it now
ever so much more

Thinking of those
who are really in need
and the others
that conceive that they are deserving

Most of the time I look the other way
or wait for God to call out my name

I have put feeling for one
on the back burner for now
maybe forever

Until someone can show me different

Even as I type now
I feel taken advantage of
used, and even abused
by the false hearted "needy"

I wish I knew how to fix me
but the way I see it
is simply I see

Saturday, December 18, 2010


I cannot believe it has been 5 days since my last post
I guess Christmas finally caught up with me
Along with never ending baking
After all it is Christmas

I have thought about recycling my posts from my closed blog
but then idk?

So much to be said for startin' a new

I plan on picking friends even more carefully from now on
Not wearing my emotions on my sleeve
and baking more for fun

Merry Christmas

Monday, December 13, 2010


Rather Tonight,
I sit here in my boy short and tank top
eating shaved ham on wheat thins
Sippin' on a diet Pepsi and
I finally can breathe

Christmas program part deux
The wee dude was a wild beast
I feel exhausted
and I have so much more to do before my head hits the pillow

I have to admit
I walk around in my underwear
I eat snacks, preferably meat late at night
I am an extended breast feeder
and my son is sleeping in his crib for like the 5th time in his life

I am tired
and the 4 loads of laundry
are cursing at me
calling me dirty names

I hope tomorrow comes slowly

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Okay so there I was drivin' and we have this corner that
must be a hot spot for the local beggars
cause this one woman ran up with her cardboard sign
and then all of a sudden
another woman jumped out of the bushes
and ran to the corner holding her cardboard sign
Then, THEN
they stared getting in a verbal fight
wafting their signs in the others face
Bopping each other in the face
with their sign of beggary
all the while
I laughed
and thought if that have that much stamina
maybe they should try for a job?

Today I was called ma'am
by a young man half my age
although I thoroughly appreciate the politeness
It kinda made me feel old,....

My wee dude ate his 1st french fry today
he is in love

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I am Trying

I have to admit it
I am not sure that I want to
but maybe if I do
it will be my step towards recovery

I  after many attempts
am still not in the Christmas Mood
4 batches of cinnamon glass candy
about 100 chocolate truffles
and 3 batches of fudge
have not moved my soul one bit
rather a notch on my belt
le sigh,....

I wish the songs that I have forced to fill my ears
would bring me to a place
of Christmas Time
A Place of Jingle bells and smiling  faces
Yet I find myself shoveling heaping spoon fulls of cheer down my wee throat
Praying that Joy will soon be here

Now my final attempt starts now
I will make my grandfather's favorite cookie

Even though the thought of being away from him
during this season
makes me weep
like a lil' child with a scraped knee

Boo for me

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

Apply Within

I am looking to add to my gold collection
Golden friendships that is,..
I might have someone in mind

If you are
and generally in a cheery mood
Then I want you!
To Stalk
er,..I mean Support ;)
If you like communicating
and don't mind offering a kind ear
and in the midst of it all
can  and want to call on me to be your ear
Then I definitely want you in my life
If you desire the constant stroking of your ego Than I am a shoe in
and visa versa
So If you rock and wanna rock with me
Apply within