A Christmas Story

Once upon a time

not long ago

I lived for others

whom I did not know

One Day

during Christmas Time

I decided to give of myself

not knowing this would be the last time

I marketed both far and wide

to try

to make Christmas

in a child's life

Most were honest

yet it was unfair

how much I did

It felt like no one cared

Till it was

it came time

to hand gifts out

line by line

I crossed them off

and boxed them up

shipped most

delivered some

Where this story goes array

is when I contacted local families

to say when I would be by

There was a chance

to pass

if life had changed

But there I was

a small bag in hand

with gifts for 2 small girls

I do not recall their names

Yet I do recall

driving up to a newly built home

with nice new toys left in the snow

A flat screen T.V box

propped up by the garage

and gift boxes

spilling out of the trash can

Yet they signed up

for Christmas gifts for their children

I remember walking slowly to the door

shaking my head

Feeling my heart sink

further than ever before

That day I was  taken advantage of

knowingly

and it burned

and then it scarred

Even though a few years past

I feel it now

ever so much more

Thinking of those

who are really in need

and the others

that conceive that they are deserving

Most of the time I look the other way

or wait for God to call out my name

I have put feeling for one

on the back burner for now

maybe forever

Until someone can show me different

Even as I type now

I feel taken advantage of

used, and even abused

by the false hearted "needy"

I wish I knew how to fix me

but the way I see it

is simply I see

Holy!

I cannot believe it has been 5 days since my last post

I guess Christmas finally caught up with me

Along with never ending baking

After all it is Christmas

I have thought about recycling my posts from my closed blog

but then idk?

So much to be said for startin' a new

I plan on picking friends even more carefully from now on

Not wearing my emotions on my sleeve

and baking more for fun

Merry Christmas

Today

Rather Tonight,

I sit here in my boy short and tank top

eating shaved ham on wheat thins

Sippin' on a diet Pepsi and

I finally can breathe

Christmas program part deux

The wee dude was a wild beast

I feel exhausted

and I have so much more to do before my head hits the pillow

I have to admit

I walk around in my underwear

I eat snacks, preferably meat late at night

I am an extended breast feeder

and my son is sleeping in his crib for like the 5th time in his life

I am tired

hungry

and the 4 loads of laundry

are cursing at me

calling me dirty names

I hope tomorrow comes slowly

Sunday FUNNIES!

Okay so there I was drivin' and we have this corner that

must be a hot spot for the local beggars

cause this one woman ran up with her cardboard sign

and then all of a sudden

another woman jumped out of the bushes

and ran to the corner holding her cardboard sign

Then, THEN

they stared getting in a verbal fight

wafting their signs in the others face

Bopping each other in the face

with their sign of beggary

all the while

I laughed

and thought if that have that much stamina

maybe they should try for a job?

Today I was called ma'am

by a young man half my age

although I thoroughly appreciate the politeness

It kinda made me feel old,....

My wee dude ate his 1st french fry today

he is in love

I am Trying

I have to admit it

I am not sure that I want to

but maybe if I do

it will be my step towards recovery

I  after many attempts

am still not in the Christmas Mood

4 batches of cinnamon glass candy

about 100 chocolate truffles

and 3 batches of fudge

have not moved my soul one bit

rather a notch on my belt

le sigh,....

I wish the songs that I have forced to fill my ears

would bring me to a place

of Christmas Time

A Place of Jingle bells and smiling  faces

Yet I find myself shoveling heaping spoon fulls of cheer down my wee throat

Praying that Joy will soon be here

Now my final attempt starts now

I will make my grandfather's favorite cookie

Even though the thought of being away from him

during this season

makes me weep

like a lil' child with a scraped knee

Boo for me

1st Candy Cane!

Play the Video and enjoy the pictures



Apply Within

I am looking to add to my gold collection

Golden friendships that is,..

I might have someone in mind

If you are

Kind

caring

giving

and generally in a cheery mood

Then I want you!

To Stalk

er,..I mean Support ;)

If you like communicating

and don't mind offering a kind ear

and in the midst of it all

can  and want to call on me to be your ear

Then I definitely want you in my life

If you desire the constant stroking of your ego Than I am a shoe in

and visa versa

So If you rock and wanna rock with me

Apply within

WIN.

Every time the Hub passes the T.V. Treat, he grabs a handful

Win.

The Tylenol and Ibuprofen have kicked a 103. fever's Arse

Win.

I made fudge for the 1st time today and the house is still standing

Win.

I made a second batch of fudge with a candy thermometer and didn't burn myself

Win.

I am making ham and cheese melts with garlic Texas toast

Win.

I washed, folded and put away 6 loads of laundry

Win.

I have backpacks ready sitting by the door

Win.

Nener Nener nener

I Win!

Holy Thoughts of Thankfull~ness

Nothing worse than a child that lay ill on a Saturday

Yet I thank the stars above for my many blessings

including availability to simple medicines

a roof

and warm clothes

So even though I am on 15 minute sip watch with my wee

frail sick darling

I feel compelled to share the many ways there are to be thankful

I know at my daughter's school they have a "Giving Tree"

We took 4 children

and got them a gift

"Those have the least gave the most"

Yet there are more ways

a gentle smile,..

opening a door

seeing someone fall and coming to their aid

Blessings we all have

but do we use them in the way the Good Lord intended us to?

Many of us are very aware of our gifts,being of this earth

but do we forget that our talents are just as valuable?

Let us have open eyes and hearts to give of ourselves

Of our gifts, or of our talents

( I am super gifted in clearance shopping, and one of my many talents is making a penny stretch further than ever thought possible)

I am thankful my daughter has taken to the ibuprofen finally

I am thankful that I get to hear how much she loves me after I wash away

the accounts she tossed upon me

I will always be thankful

Shouldn't be,...

but is,...

Christmas has put a

rather foul taste in my mouth

and I am not happy about it

Boo,.. back to baking I suppose

Define Me

I am Not the Trophy Wife
Nor do I wear stilettos in the snow

I no longer Drive an SUV

Or go to Pilate's

I wear just a touch of makeup

cover girl I think

I like My North face

I know the ladies at Starbucks by name

I do Not wear a wedding Ring

I don't own my home

I just got a Green mini van

and I drive it like an Suv

I drink diet

and like my steak medium rare

I am a self taught baker

I curl my hair

I like to dye it black

I like people to like me for me

not what they can get out of me

I am a fierce mother

I believe in accountability

I believe in love

in fairy tales, angels and God

I hate olives

and temper Tantrums

I have been married  for 9 years

and I still like my husband

My favorite movie is the sound of music

I believe in giving to the poor

define me,.......